UNIVERSITY LIFE - MY FINAL YEAR OF BACHELOR'S DEGREE

hello!

I found that blog after 3 years and I feel motivated to start it again. Obviously, after these 3 years I changed a lot, so I guess the way in which I'm going to do it currently will differ a lot from the idea I had for this blog 3 years ago. I think that the best way to start with it is to summarize these last 3 years. If someone asked me for a headline for these 3 years, I would definitely choose the word "university". I think that it is a good moment to stop and think a while about that time because it was full of new experiences and in daily rush I forget to realize that. I think that it will help me to form a final opinion about this chapter of my life.

So let's do this year by year firstly, and then, I will write about personal strugglings that I had during this time, because it's kinda similar for all of these years.

Note 1: I don't know why I chose to write it in English but it happened automatically so I will continue in English then :). 

1st year:

From the perspective of the time, I can definitely say that it was the worst year of my studies. A big change after living so many months in isolation because of pandemic and constant fear. Sometimes I can still feel feelings that I had when my parents left me in Warsaw. The good thing is that I was with my cousin so I had a bit of home, but still, living with two random people in the same flat was strange for me. We had some dramas with that couple and generally we didn't get along. When it comes to the university... it was also a huge disappointment for me. It wasn't the university that I expected. My classes were mostly in Polish and were sooo boring. When it comes to classes that were in English or Spanish, I realized that I'm too shy to practice my language skills in front of so many people. What is more, I found out that most of them graduated from language high schools so I felt a sense of inferiority. The worst thing was that I didn't make any friends and when I was talking with my friends they told me about new fascinating friendships they had made and their meetings with them outside of school. I was so jealous, not only because I felt like losing my best friends, but also because I thought that there was something wrong with me and that's the reason I couldn't meet anyone who would be eager to become my friend. Starting a new chapter of my life was mentally challenging and I just didn't have energy and was too scared to start a conversation with someone. It seemed like everyone knew each other and didn't want to make new friends. I still don't know how I managed to survive it without a psychologist. But I did.

2nd year:

The beginning of the second year surprised me a lot. On the first day of academic year, when I entered the university a lot of people said hello to me even though I didn't talk with them even  once the previous year. It was the first time when I felt that I belonged there. It was also the first year of having all of my classes in Spanish and it wasn't so bad. I have to mention that I started to work with psychologist in September so my mental health was in so much better condition. But it didn't eliminate all of my problems. I still felt like I wasn't doing enough so I took additional classes and was so tired and stressed because of that. When I finished this year I felt a relief. At the end of this year I started to talk with two girls and I found a connection with them. I had Italian classes and it was a cool experience looking back now, but exhausting as well. The worst subject of this year for me was Antrophology. The form of teaching was horrible: she wanted us to read so many pages of boring, theoretical texts every week. To pass this subject I had to write an essay of 8 pages and I did, but I got the lowest grade and had to take an exam. I felt like the dumbest person in the world and I was convinced that I wouldn't manage to write my thesis if I failed at such a small task. I forgot to mention new roommates that finally turned out to be so cool.

3rd year:

I was excited to start my last year of university, less classes, new teachers and a space for individualism (finally!) I mean, writing thesis on my own. During the second year of my studies I deeply considered another field of study for a master's degree but now I'm sure that languages is my vocation and I really like what I do even though I survived so many dark moments. So I decided to pursue my career in this field. When it comes to the first semester - a lot of work like always, but I found a topic for my thesis and I started to write and it wasn't a disaster! I was so happy and felt so motivated to continue. Now I feel a little time pressure but I try not to fall in this trap because it means panicking and losing time for that instead of writing. I have two classes per week of Latin American Literature and I was also afraid of that but know I find the books that we read interesting and I like reading them. I like to imagine the time that will be within 3-4 months, when I will be able to boast about having higher education, feel relief and pride and I hope to say: it was worth it. The most important thing I guess is that I found a friend at university, I mean, I was close to think that it is impossible to make durable friendships when you get older and find people that would understand you, your sense of humour and accept you... but it turned out that everything in this world is possible so I just hope that our friendship will last after finishing university as well and I will never doubt again that everything will be fine in the end.

I devoted myself entirely to my studies and now it's time to learn to get out of it and experience life beyond academic environment. I think that step by step I'll achieve that and it already happens every day. I discover new music, new dishes, new stories and learn about people that were before me. I got back to my old passion which is ski jumping and found out that it still gives me so much joy. I also found out that I love theatre, long walks, new places (not only abroad), riding a bike in summer, and - what is the closest to my heart - spending time with my mum and my animals. It gives me so much love, validation and comfort. My studies still provoke so much stress in me but I try to distance myself a little, not to take everything seriously, not to think so much about the future and just enjoy the process because I know that soon it will be just a memory. Thanks to this time I understood my past, things that formed my identity and why some things hurt me and I guess this pain will be always a part of me. A lot of things are still unresolved. I will be entirely grateful for having an opportunity of meeting so many people, especially teachers, from all over the world. They contributed a lot to broadening my horizons. I always felt like a part of their life stories when they shared them with us and later I passed them on to my closest ones. Another important lesson from the university is that life is not always about doing things that are going to bring profits. Life is about doing things that apparently doesn't mean anything to other people and to you as well while doing them. But then you look back on it and see the beauty and meaning of it. In my case it is writing. Maybe I won't be a person who will leave a mark on world literature but there are so many thoughts in my head that come and go and I will never see them again. Writing is a form of saving them for longer. 

Tips I would give to someone who starts university:

1. If you are not loud at the class it doesn't mean that you are not enough, absorb knowledge as you are and don't try to fit in at all costs.

2. Don't believe what people say: that exams at studies are worse than exams in high school, that teachers are so scary, that you will just party there, it isn't true.

3. At least try to take care of yourself.

4. Sometimes the university is not the place where you will fully bloom so don't be hard on yourself, and, as Katy Perry sings in one of her songs:

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed

So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow

And when it's time, you'll know...